Thailand Part 4: Chiang Mai // Coffee & Cats

The ten hour train ride from Ayutthaya to Chiang Mai was a piece of cake. The train was air conditioned, came with free food and I had enough leg room to basically lay down. It cost no more than £7 and was actually on time, well only 30 minutes late which is good for Thailand.

Whilst waiting for the train we spotted a set of scales, designed I think for weighing parcels but we were both bored and curious so ran over and sneaked a “free ride”. Most people apparently lose weight when they go backpacking, I used to think this was because they were on a tight budget and so couldn’t afford to eat but after experiencing how cheap food is here I will discredit that as an answer. Me and Hatty are surviving comfortably on £25 a day each, that includes all our meals, accommodation (normally always double private with ensuite), travel expenses, experiences and the odd gift. Try getting even a place to sleep for that in the UK. Anyway I digress, food here is cheap and very good quality and as so the scales revealed to me that I have put on over a stone in just over a month. The story, although not as extreme is the same for Hatty and instead of this making us feel sad we just high fived each other and made our way to the food stalls.

To begin with the view from the train window was pretty non-descript, the train slowly goes between countryside and town and apart from the occasional temple or village nothing really breaks up the hours. I’ve got books, music and even films with me so boredom is a long way off but after about 8 hours the free lunch and our bag of snacks is wearing off. It’s at about this moment that the train pulls into a station and a conductor jumps on and tells us that we have a 20 minute wait for before we can leave the station. People start to get off to stretch their legs or get some fresh air, I pretend this is what I’m getting off for but on our way in I spotted a food market. I made my way out of the station and across the road into the hustle and bustle of this evening market. I knew I had a limited time so quickly setting about seeing what was on offer, what could be cooked quickly and what looked easy to eat on a train. I settled for a box of chicken skewers marinated in a variety of spices, two boxes of mango sticky rice (this comes with coconut milk) and a pot of sweet orange stringy stuff, total cost £1.80.

We arrived in Chiang Mai late that evening and the city was buzzing, this may be due to the high volume of 24 hour coffee shops or that I’d just come from the ghost town on Ayutthaya. Either way I liked the look of it.

We had booked an apartment to stay in for the week we were here but it wasn’t available our first night so we found a cheap room and called it a night. The following morning, around 8am the owner of the Airbnb apartment picked us up from our hostel. He took us for a tour of the city and then dropped us off at the apartment. Our pad was located near the University and as such had a fair amount on its doorstep, unconnected perhaps but the best of these coffee shops was Catmosphere. No, that’s not a typo. Catmosphere is a coffee shop with a feline twist, there are 19 cats who live in the shop and they freely wander around as you enjoy your coffee. For a cat lover like myself this was absolutely brilliant. Pay a visit to www.catmospherecafe.com where you can read the bio of each of the “space cats”.

I digress again. The apartment consisted of a bedroom, bathroom, living room, office space, it had two balconies over-looking the mountains, free WiFi,  there was a gym, sauna and swimming pool and it cost us £19 a night, certainly at the higher end of our budget but still unbelievably cheap for what it was. This acted as a perfect base for our week, the apartment sat about half way between Chiang Mai Zoo and the famous Nimmanhaeminda Road. Although both these places were within walking distance we decided to hire a moped for the week, exercise is overrated. The bike cost £30 for the week, £2 to fill the tank and gave us instant 24 hour freedom to explore the city and surrounding area.

Chiang Mai has been described as the “SoHo of Thailand” and I guess that is accurate. It’s cheap accommodation, excellent WiFi and abundance of coffee shops has made is a haven for bloggers, writers and other creative professionals. It has a hipster vibe but Chiang Mai isn’t just beards and flannel shirts.

Nimmanhaeminda Road is wall to wall coffee shops and bakeries, both of those things are very welcome in my books and so walking this road is a delight. I’d read about one coffee shop in particular, Ristr8to (www.ristr8to-coffee-chiangmai.com) and was keen to have a cup of two of their renowned coffee. The shop is ultra-cool, it has that modern “industrial” look, it’s a little pretentious but when the coffee is this good I guess it has every right to be. My flat black arrived in a mug (good start) on top of a piece of wood that had information about my coffee burnt into it, the coffee was paired with a glass of lukewarm water designed to reset my palate. Like I said, a, little pretentious by seriously the coffee is outstanding. Their coffee menu is extensive to say the least and the staff have won awards for their Latte art, which although is a little bit of a gimmick it does show a passion for their craft. The atmosphere is bubbly, loud and busy so we drank up and moved on to the next stop.

Hatty has had a few questionable meals during our time in Thailand as was craving a salad without the added surprise of meat. Her eyes lit up when we arrived at the Salad Concept (www.thesaladconcept.com). There are two options on the menu, salad or wrap but what they come with is very much up to you. The salad starts off as the house default, basically a mixture of leaves, next you add up to five free items (if you want more it’s very affordable). I chose raw tuna steak, asparagus, olives, avocado and sunflower seeds. You then add cheese, I went for Feta and finally you add the dressing, I chose passion fruit. It arrives on a plate the size of a crater and was every bit delicious as it was large, (the food not the plate).

At the junction between our road and Nimman… road is a large shopping mall called Maya which houses clothing shops, food outlets, cinema and a supermarket. It is more closely comparable to Whole Foods than Tesco, not least because of the Wine & Cheese bar in the middle of the shop. But unlike Whole Foods, you don’t need to re-mortgage every time you so much as look at the food.  We filled a basket with meal options for the week and some (ok, a lot of) treats. From fresh slabs of salmon to crates of beer the whole affair only cost £20. We balanced the bags on the bike and headed back for the apartment, went to the gym (briefly) and had a swim.

That evening we made our way to the Night Market on the conveniently names Walking Street. There are two major markets in Chiang Mai, one on Saturday night (this one) and one on Sunday. The Night Market is rammed by the time we arrive, we park the bike basically on top of another and slide our way into the stream of people. At first we were being dragged along by the crowd , unable to see anything on offer other than the sweaty back of the person in front but once we hustled out way to the edge of the crowd we were able to experience the market. Tonight the market was selling everything from local handicraft to possibly questionable designer brands and of course, food.

Hatty had been desperate to get a pair of Classic Vans and as luck would have it there they were, “new”, “unworn” the man assures us. To be fair they looked the part, every bit authentic except for the price. Vans retail for about £40-£50 back home so when he asked for a tenner  it was a no-brainer. Aware that our backpacks were slightly over full already we restrained ourselves on the shopping front and instead headed for the food stalls. I cant exactly remember what I ate that night but let me assure you that there is very little in the way of Thai street food that I haven’t now sampled.

The following day we put the amenities in the apartment to good use. Paid the gym another (brief) visit, had a swim and lounged by the pool and even used the washing machine. Having only had access to a sink and some travel soap for the past 6 weeks it was quite the treat to give my clothes a proper wash.

Just after dark we ventured out to another Walking Street to experience the Sunday Night Market. This has a much higher concentration on Thai Handicrafts, clothes and of course food. It is more spaced out and therefore less crowded. Every road has some kind of live entertainment on it, from groups of musicians sitting in a row on the floor to a dance performance on a stage. The market is vibrant and lively. It’s not long before we have accumulated a number of bags full of gifts and souvenirs. Earlier in the day we had found ourselves in a vintage clothes shop which sold its items by weight. Hatty buys and sells vintage stuff for a living so you can imagine her joy when she realised how ridiculously cheap this place was. We had also seen a UPS store inside the Maya mall and had a rough idea what it would cost to send stuff back to the UK. I don’t want to give too much away but her margins would be ridiculous (good) and we both agreed it would be mad not to fill a box and send it back. Stupidly though we started to apply this to the items in the night market, as our arms filled with bags we just kept telling ourselves its ok because we can just send it home. If you come to Chiang Mai please remember to bring an empty suitcase.

Much like the previous night the food on offer was vast and Moorish. From sushi to waffles there was something to satisfy every taste. The market is addictive but walking in the crowds for so long can become tiresome, but seeking rest in one of the countless bars and cafes along the way is an easy way to recharge while soaking in some more of the evenings atmosphere. I have no idea what time we went home that night.

Being a big coffee drinker and seemingly being in the land of coffee shops I saw it fit to comprise a list of cafés that I wanted to visit. Usefully someone had made a blog of the “best coffee shops in Chiang Mai”. They rated them on the coffee, price, WiFi, atmosphere and charge points. Finding some of these turned out to be trickier than expected and so a few quickly vanished from the list, a couple of them were disappointing and it soon become apparent that finding my own favourites would be somewhat easier and more enjoyable. Six double espressos later I couldn’t remember my name let alone the name of the coffee shops but I’d enjoyed myself.

Close to our apartment are two brightly lit areas which mesmerised me in my caffeine high. The first of these is called The Harbour, it is a fake town, much like the Italian one in Khao Yai, only this one as you may have guessed has a sea theme. The “town” comprises a number of restaurants, bars, clubs, clothing shops and a GoGo bar. It was, again like Italian Khao Yai a very strange experience. We got a drink and tried to understand it but as we were the only people in the town, aside from two old German ladies who were drinking beer it’s purpose remained a mystery. Maybe on a Saturday night it’s a bit more happening but at best it would only be a “high street” full of people drinking.

The next brightly lit area is known as the Think Park, designed by Varisa 'Gift' Passakornnatee, a St Martins School of Arts (London) graduate and daughter of the founder of  Oishi  empire (Japanese buffet restaurant chain). She wanted a space to set up an art gallery and he bought her this plot right on the corner of Nimmanh… Road. The Think Park comprises many restaurants, bars, a 24 hour coffee shop, independent shops selling clothes, homeware and other trinkety bits and of course there is an art gallery. The main draw of this space is the giant tree lit up with hundreds of light bulbs and the fantastic cat statue. The cat dons a moustache and is wearing a handbag. I don’t get it but I like it. We ate at the Think Park, in a Thai restaurant that “closes at 9pm”, we ordered our food about 9.45pm and we weren’t the last ones to be seated either. The Think Park makes more sense than The Harbour.

Having woken up every morning, stepped out onto the balcony and looked at the mountain range in front of me we decided that today we would get out of the city and go and see some nature. I also needed to detox from coffee for a while.

We took the moped and set off in the direction of the towering landscape. The winding roads gradually get steeper and more clustered with Songthaews racing tourists up to the various checkpoints. The first of which is a temple built into the mountain side. We take this as an opportunity to get ahead of the pack and carry on up the hill. The moped we had hired was a whopping 110cc, with 160kg of human flesh straddled on it the bike was not coping with the incline. I think we topped 20mph with an average of 12mph. Despite having not yet reached the top the road started make its way back down, with both breaks applied the bike was now reaching speeds of more than 40mph, steering clear of the cliff edge and trying my best to dodge the gargantuan potholes added to the excitement. Then just like the road shot back up into a steep incline and the speed dropped dangerously low again. I wasn’t sure which I preferred. Or should I say disliked more?

The road turned from concrete to gravel and we soon ran into a town, high up in the mountain. There is a sign for a waterfall and Opium garden which costs 10B to see (20p), we got off the bike and trekked up a good sized slope before wandering into a gardeners wet dream. Rows of fantastically coloured plants, it was very pretty but my eye was on the prize, ie the waterfall. Yeah, about the waterfall… anti-climax.

We got back on the bike and carried on up the mountain, next we reached a viewing spot and unlike the waterfall this did not disappoint. It offered great views off the back of the mountain, not a house in sight just nature at its best. This is the most luscious I’ve seen Thailand, and that includes parts of Bangkok (boom boom).

As good as this view was there is still one more attraction on this mountain that I wanted to find. Doi Suthep national park, or more specifically the waterfalls contained within. It cost 100B each to get into the part (£2) and despite being 10 times more expensive than the previous waterfall this one was substantially better. Although it is dry season and therefore the waterfall is less impressive than the picture on the entrance suggests it was still a cool sight. In some ways, the fact it wasn’t in full flow was a bonus as I was able to climb some of the rock and walk across the waterfall which looked a little surreal when I looked over the edge. I did also manage to find a spot where the water was falling clear of any big rocks and so could get under the waters fall. It was both freezing and extremely powerful but it has been a long time wish of mine to swim under a waterfall and so I stopped being such a chicken and dunked myself. It was brilliantly refreshing for me and entertaining for Hatty.

Back on flatter ground we went into the Maya shopping centre, more specifically to its cinema. We had heard that going to a cinema screening in Thailand is an experience worth having, the main reason for this is that at the start of every film they play the National Anthem, accompanied by a video. Everyone in the cinema stands up and some people get very into it. This display of patriotism was pretty cool and made us both wonder why this doesn’t happen back home. But the highlight of the cinema experience at this point was our seats. We didn’t have a flimsy folding chair, we didn’t have to hold our knees because of the lack of leg room, we didn’t have to share an arm rest with a stranger. No, we had a sofa, a reclining sofa with a table. We were in a cinema but sitting, sorry lying, on a double seated sofa. The cinema had a giant 4K screen, the sound was immense and I was on a sofa. Things just got better as the adverts for up-coming films, a particular favourite was a Tsunami/Zombie/Horror/Comedy film. But the main event of the evening was Birdman. I’ll spare you the film critic spiel but if you haven’t already go and see this film, if you have then go again. Total price for two cinema tickets- sofa seating was £7, you can chose to sit on a normal cinema chair for as little as £2 per person but I don’t know why you’d do that.

Aside from coffee, Chiang Mai also has an extreme number of places to get a massage and nearly all of them at more than affordable, even for the on-a-budget-backpacker. An hour Thai Massage costs 250B (£5) on average. After six weeks on the road, lugging 20kg of stuff around on my back I was feeling a little beaten and a massage seemed a good idea. Hatty was still wary after the HK foot massage but after some convincing we found one that seemed decent and went in search of it. We found ourselves at Green Bamboo massage house. They handed us a menu but with little (no) knowledge of what the different treatments meant we went for the Traditional Thai Massage (Lanna style). Turns out this is pretty brutal. The hour consists of being walked on, punched, pulled and clicked in every direction. It’s a deep tissue, posture realignment gig and despite parts of it being so agonising that I felt like I was in a UFC ring it was ultimately an amazing experience. I’ve next walked so straight and my shoulder which causes me a lot of trouble was for once actually sitting right. I would be interested to see what Hatty writes in her blog. Let’s just say she didn’t speak to me for a long time afterwards.

Getting beaten up was not the best thing to happen to us today though. Driving back to the apartment we turned on to the main road and instantly got pulled over by the Police. There is a law in Thailand that you have to wear a crash helmet whilst on a motorbike but less than 10% of road users bother, the attitude towards helmets is so nonchalant that the people we hired the bike from didn’t even offer them to us when we hired it. We had also seen a lot of police throughout the week who had definitely seen that we, along with the thousands of other riders were not wearing a helmet and never said a thing, so naively had decided that it was acceptable. Today at least it wasn’t. The officer didn’t seem to interesting in telling us off or lecturing us about the safety element he just confiscated by drivers licence and told me to go to the station and pay a fine of 500B (£10). I asked what would happen on my way to the station as I don’t have a helmet and his reply was brilliant. “We stop checks at 3pm”. It was quarter to. We went back to the apartment to get the map and find out where the station was. Turns out there are at least six police stations in Chiang Mai so the next part was somewhat of an adventure. We drove to the hire place and asked for two helmets which they dug out from the back, then we set off to find “the station”. Our first guess was wrong, we asked the officer where we needed to go but the language barrier made this a pointless ordeal. I then showed him the piece of paper with my fine on it, he burst out laughing, showed it to his mate who then joined him. They tapped my helmet and pointed in the direction we needed to go. We left the two officers bent double on the side of the road and followed their somewhat basic directions. We arrived at another police station. Again wrong. We repeated the process. Got a new set of directions. One hour and forty five minutes later we arrive at the correct one. The fine has for some unknown reason dropped from 500 to 300 and with that paid I had my licence returned and we were back on the road.

We were both feeling a bit lost so returned to the safety of the cinema arm chair. Tonight’s screening, after the National Anthem of course, was the cheery director debut from Angelina Jolie, Unbroken. The film is based around the true story of Olympic athlete come prisoner of war, Louis Zamperini. Again I will spare you the film critic spiel but in my opinion this is a truly astonishing film about an even more astonishing man.

Today, that’s right I’ve caught up with my blog, I am sitting in a coffee shop and getting this thing done. That also means that this entry will be brief, unless you want a lengthy report on the fact that I am sitting in a coffee shop writing a blog, didn’t think so.

Tomorrow we leave Thailand and fly to Laos so I’ll more than likely fall back behind but I hope this keeps you entertained for a while.

It should hopefully be clear from my previous blogs that I fell in love with Southern Thailand but despite the distance from sea or sand Chiang Mai has won me over. I could write another 10,000 words on its charm but I wont to leave some mystery so you all come here and see it for yourselves. Just remember, bring an empty suitcase. 

As always thanks for reading.

Thailand Part 3- The North // Food

Leaving the South of Thailand knowing that there was still so much to see was hard, knowing I was leaving all this natural beauty for a place I really didn’t hold much regard for was even harder. Our flight left Krabi and took us back to Bangkok. Readers of my previous blog entry will have a pretty solid impression of what I thought of Bangkok and so will understand my disinterest in returning. However, let me assure you know this read will offer a whole new side to the city, a city I have now fallen for, I don’t love it like I love Hong Kong but I’m certainly more fond of it now.

We stayed the opposite end of the city this time, which confused our taxi driver a great deal- “why so far from the centre”, he kept saying. If I’m honest we had picked our location based on one thing, as we only had a night we wanted to go to Nana Plaza. For those who don’t know, this is another of the cities major Red Light Districts but aside from the obvious it also hosts some fantastic markets and entertaining nightlife options. Although it is on the tourists radar it doesn’t bow down to them like Patpong or Soi Cowboy, and therefore has a more genuine vibe. The other great thing about Nana Plaza over the other exotic areas is that it is set over three floors. So unlike the others you can actually enjoy a beer without being tugged by the ladies (pun intended), or having to watch the Colonial-60-something falling in love with his 20-something-evening-purchase. You can be in the middle of something extraordinary and surreal and actually enjoy it. There is no denying that Nana Plaza is the most extreme of the Red Light districts, known widely as Adult Disney Land but sitting at a bar on the ground floor it’s anything but seedy. Hatty found it amusing that I would sometimes (possibly more than I thought) get a little distracted but even with the stunning, scantily clad ladies walking about this is a very couple friendly place.

But before we made our way to Nana Plaza we had two tummies that needed filling, normally a shopping mall isn’t where I would seek to score my evening meal but there was something about the Siam Centre that grabbed both our attentions as we pulled up alongside it on the Sky Train. Inside is a labyrinth of escalators some take you half a floor, some a full floor, some skip two floors. In a matter of seconds you can find yourself two floors higher on the other side not just of the mall but the road. It didn’t help that large sections were closed off for refurbishment either. Once you get your head around it though there is some logic. The Siam Centre is set across four floors and houses over 400 shops, and attached to it is the Discovery Centre which is a further 32 floors and contains yet more things to see and do. We had walked its every corridor, been out and back in by accident more times that I care to mention and despite seeing regular signs for the food halls had found nothing.

Beginning to give up hope we slumped down alongside one of the many art installations that fill the gaps between the clothes shops and beauty parlours. Then out of the corner of our weary eyes we spotted something that resembled a restaurant. We went to its front door and opened the menu that sat on a plinth outside, the first page was a map displaying a number of food outlets and each following page revealed their delights. I flicked through the pages but couldn’t decide on which one I wanted to try and find then Hatty clicked, they are all in here! We entered the single coolest eating establishment I had ever been in, I was handed a card and shown to a table, I was very confused but as the realisation of what this place was I began to realise I had scored big time.

Plearnwan Panich is a genius concept, it is laid out like a street market and each food stall around the space is hosted by a guest restaurant so each time you go you might see (eat) something new. You go to each stall and order the dishes you want, some offer speciality drinks but there is also a brilliant bar (coffees, shakes and beers) based in the centre of the street. Each place you order from swipes your card, you take a seat and the waiter brings the food over from each stall. It’s a gluttonous piggies heaven. When we went there was a noodle bar, burger joint, ice cream stand amongst others plus the main bar which offered a range of sweets. First course was the infamous Black Burger from “Caspar Burger”, a ½ pounder beef burger cooked rare and housed inside a black bun- it gets its distinctive colour due to the squid ink that is mixed into the dough, a portion of fries, a hash brown burger, chicken nuggets (I’d had a craving for about 2 weeks so this was a highlight) and a cherry aid. That sorted my fast food fix. Next I ordered the “Little Gems”, I had no idea what these were at time of ordering but when they arrived in their banana leaf parcel I was transported back to my childhood. The joyous little biscuits with iced gems on the top, sickly sweet and pretty hideous to my adult palate but the nostalgia was worth the eating. Next came deep fried dough balls with a coconut custard (green for some reason) and condensed milk dip, think the best doughnut you’ve had then times that by a thousand. Alongside them I had the chocolate buns (Thai Style), a Dim Sum dish which was spectacular. Feeling pretty fat I moved onto some refreshments, a strong and delicious double espresso, some purple fruit juice concoction and a Pink Rad Sala- basically a glass of warm milk with pink Angel Delight mixed in to it. Hatty matched me dish for dish (opting for the vegetarian alternatives of course). I tempted myself with the long list of noodle delights and countless flavours of ice cream which came in cones, on waffles or pancakes, or for a bowel of Caspars signature deep fried mash covered in cheese and chili but I was starting to see double from my sugar intake so we handed our card in and awaited the mammoth bill. Let’s not forget we were in a kitsch restaurant inside an extravagant shopping mall in the city centre. So when the bill came and totalled £10 I really had to stop myself from sitting back down and going for another round. 

It was a brilliant experience and I highly recommend it. This blog offers the best visual description of Plearnwan Panich, there are words too if you can read Thai) http://hello2day.com/plearnwan-panich-siam-square-one/

Waddling out of the street onto the street-with me? We found ourselves in a street market that was just starting to come alive, thankfully there was little to no food in sight but enough quirky clothes and handicrafts to keep you entertained. The market is rammed both with stalls and locals, everyone is sandwiched in the tight alleyway and can only move if you step at the same time as the six or so people either side of you, it’s like the worlds biggest “three legged race”. Things are unbelievably cheap here and of decent quality too, it didn’t take long for me and Hatty to have our hands full of bags. We walked both sides of the market which extends more than a mile each way. Once we’d done this we veered off down one of the many side alleys where there is yet more entertainment, more markets of course, live music and street performers. It was excellent fun but in all the excitement we had walked some serious distance away from our destination. So we hopped back on the Sky Train and set off for Nana Plaza.

Leaving Bangkok the following morning I was pleased I had seen the city again, away from the tourist hotspots this is an energetic and inspiring city and I’d gladly visit again and again.

We caught a train to our next destination, Ayutthaya. I’d never heard of it before and had little idea what was here. I read on the train journey that it was an Ancient City and was steeped in history. Well after basically sitting on beach for the past two weeks maybe it was time to get some culture. The map provided by the guesthouse listed just some of the hundred or so Wats (temples) that you could visit but before we could think about doing anything we had to eat (are you surprised?). The first place we saw was the driveway of an old couple, there were some plastic chairs and tables laid out, he was drinking a beer and watching telly, she was standing by a camping stove balanced on some crates. We sat down and he handed us a menu, to our surprise some of the items had English descriptions. I ordered a vegetable stir fry and a beer, Hatty ordered a tofu soup and a Coke. I got a spicy pork curry and Hatty got a chicken stir fry. We didn’t get any drinks. Close enough. Given that Hatty was a vegetarian this was double dinner for me and double hungry for her. I sunk the food quickly, paid the bill (£1) and we went in search of other options.

Next door was a “Milk Bar”, Hatty, understandably played it safe and went for a salad and I (not that I needed anything) went for the raw prawns and chili and mango dip, a milkshake and an espresso (which came in a mug and was made with cream- again “close enough”). We actually ended up in here for quite a few hours picking different items of the menu from Thai delicacies and obscure ice cream sundaes, the entertainment came from the table of teenage boys getting progressively more pissed.

The following day we picked six of the Wats to see, hired a moped and went out for the day. The temples are impressive to look at but they rarely have any information boards so there is a limit to how much you can learn and there is certainly a limit to how many times you can say, “Wow”.

It is enjoyable to wander round the ruins and without meaning to state the obvious they do make you feel like you’re in an Ancient World which is cool but to be honest it was the journeys between the Wats that was more fun. I love having the bike and I love having Hatty on the back. Travelling through India and Thailand and I’m sure it will remain as we go through South East Asia we have restrained how we express our affection for each other. I’m not talking smooching in the street, hands on her bum I mean we’ve not even been holding hands and it’s amazing how much I miss this basic contact. But on the bike she has to hold on to me and as we go from place to place this contact with the woman I love is fantastic.

Enough soppy stuff.

Next stop, further North was a place called Khao Yoi, it’s big draw is its National Park which is home to wildlife from Hornbills to Gibbons to Elephants and much more between. Our pad for the coming days was set only a few km from the entrance of the park in the middle of nowhere. It was a family run guesthouse and it was here we got some of the best hospitality of the trip and it wouldn’t be right not to mention the food. At first glance it appeared the menu consisted of Frog, you could have him curried, fried, in a soup or on toast. I don’t have an issue with eating Frog but you kind of have to be in the mood for it. Closer inspection did reveal some alternatives and the first of these was a dry curry, the base was fresh lime, chilli, basil, coriander and ginger which was made into a dry paste and cooked with chicken mince. It was blow your head off hot but absolutely delicious. Every mouthful was more painful but as the undeniably fresh flavours danced around my mouth I salivated for more punishment.

The following morning we realised we didn’t have any money to pay for the trekking experience we had booked so I asked the owner where the nearest ATM was, he told me it was too far to walk but said he’s take me. So we jumped on his moped and sent in search of an ATM. After a ten minute ride we found one, which was out of service, ten minutes later another one but this time is was just turned off, some thirty minutes later we ended up at a shopping centre and had six ATMs to pick from. I managed to get some Baht and we headed back, on the way he stopped off at a market stall and grabbed some breakfast of sticky rice, chicken stock and a raw egg.

The truck arrived not long after to take us to the National Park for our day of trekking and hopefully seeing wild elephants. The park is over 2,000 km² and so the day is split into a mixture of driving and trekking. We hadn’t been on the road long before the truck pulled over and the guide ushered us all out of the back. Somehow he had spotted to snakes in a tree as we were driving; it took me a while to spot them even after he had pointed them out to me. Once I clocked them though there was no mistaking them, bright orange and entwined around the branches, they weren’t that chunky but were pretty long and for someone with a fear of these satanic serpents they were big enough. Everyone got their fill and we jumped back in the back of the truck.

The next stop was to marvel at the “giant squirrel”, before revalling it to us the guide asked us all how big the average squirrel was in our native lands, all our hand gestures were around the same moderate size, his however were some three or maybe four sizes bigger. The “Giant Squirrel” is pretty giant, not dissimilar in size to the Red Panda, at the very least they share the same fluffy tail. It was high up in a tree and so to get the best view we took it in turns to look at him though a telescope, he was magnificent.

We still hadn’t arrived at the parks visitors centre but were once again pulling over, this time it wasn’t what the guide had seen but more what he had heard, a Gibbon. We stood on the roadside for around 20 minutes without a sighting but patience is certainly the name of the game, then he spotted it, high up in the trees a large male Gibbon. Again this called for the telescope to really get a good look of him but he was again magnificent. I then learnt that Gibbons unlike monkeys don’t have tails, and unlike monkeys don’t have sex for fun, the female gibbon is pregnant for 7 months, when she gives birth the young gibbon stays attached to her for the next three and a half years. If the young is male he will go off, find a female and then make a family in a new territory, if she is female she will stay until a male comes to whisk her away. It is only after the young have moved on that daddy gibbon is allowed to get some hot mummy action. I also learnt the difference in the calls of the male and the female and later when trekking was able to identify the noises above me, although this earlier sighting was to be my only one of the day.

Once inside the park and exploring by foot we saw a variety of colourful birds, my favourite was the Hornbill. The park is littered with monkeys, in the trees and on the ground. The day before, a French tourist was standing directly under a branch where a monkey was eating, the particular fruit has a very hard outer shell that they discard after eating the soft fruit inside. The monkey threw it from the tree and it hit the Frenchman on his head, cutting it and sending him off to hospital. As a result of this our guide was less keen for us to stand under the line of fire so we watched them graze from a distance.

After hiking for three or so hours we reached a watch tower we had lunch and then got back in the truck and headed for a waterfall. The park boasts some 40 waterfalls some of which they allow you to swim in. I had come prepared for this as this is something I have wanted to do for a long time but today was not to be the day. It was impressive and peaceful.

The next part of the day was used to search for wild elephants, an experience that would be ridiculously cool if we managed it but like the waterfall today was not to be the day. I hold this down the fact that the before mentioned Frenchman had tagged along on this part of our day as he had missed it yesterday. Everyone in the truck agreed he had tarnished us with his bad luck. I’m sure this made his pounding head feel much better.

Despite not seeing the elephants I didn’t feel disappointed, much like not seeing the tiger in Ranthombhore I understood that these were wild animals in their natural habitat, we were a group of often over excited humans in a truck, hardly subtle. Besides that I had spent my day unknowingly surrounded by them which in a way is cooler. I had seen countless monkeys, a gibbon, some colourful birds and my personal favourite the charming giant squirrel.

At the time the trekking did seem laborious, I was certainly bored at parts but on reflection it was a rewarding day out and certainly beats sitting in an office.

The highlight of the day however was the evening meal, again skipping past the various frog options on the menu I arrived at “Tom Yum Thale”, I ordered this simply because my brother is called Tom. However warped this logic might seem it paid off. This “hot and sour” seafood soup is ludicrously good and I can honestly say the best dish I have eaten on this trip and certainly a contender for best dish I have ever eaten (excluding anything my mum makes obviously). The main ingredients are; tomato, onion, lemon grass, kaffir leaves, galangal, sweet chili paste, fish sauce, green chillies, coriander and limes and of course lots of seafood. It came in a washing up bowl and had half the ocean in it, but aside from the sheer volume of food it was the aroma it gave off that gave everyone else in the restaurant instant food envy. Although by the end it was aggressively spicy I was already addicted and so endured the pain, the sweats and soldiered on until every drop was either in my gut or on my front. If it was legal to marry food I would marry this dish.

 The following day in Khao Yoi was a bit of a tumbleweed day, not wanting to do the trek again led us to basically the option of sitting in the room all day. Given that the WiFi was excellent and the food here was phenomenal this didn’t seem too bad. Our intention was to put a plan together for our next moves. Our Thai visas run out soon so where next, for how long and where to from there. We got as far as booking flights to Laos and knowing we wanted to spend some time in Vietnam and Cambodia. We also worked out where would like to be for Hatty’s birthday in May and settled on Malaysia which we would get to via Singapore. But as for actually booking anything that got a little tiresome. Hatty had decided to search the guesthouse we were staying at to leave a review and it was then that she broke the worst news to me. It came in the form of a review from a man who has been living in Thailand for the past 6 years. He had stayed at this guesthouse recently and proclaimed that the Tom Yum Thale was the single best example of Tom Yum he had ever eaten during his entire time in Thailand. There I was slurping away last night full of glee and settled on what my Thai staple would be from now on in and he goes and drops that almighty clanger. I want to prove him wrong but I know I’ll only be left wanting.

With this souring the air a little we think about what else we can do today, the nearest bike hire is a 400 Baht (£8) taxi ride away and taxis take anywhere from half an hour to an hour to drive past so that was out the window. We were miles from any town so walking was also out of the question. I figured, if you don’t ask you don’t get, so I asked the owner if we could hire his moped. Well this was out of the question, he is an avid Liverpool fan and as such has a Liverpool bike, parked alongside his Liverpool car, facing the Liverpool mural. It was his pride and joy and he wasn’t handing over the keys. I’m not a football man but the family team is West Ham so it wouldn’t go down well, certainly not when all of Hattys family are Liverpool mad, her brother had a Liverpool wedding cake for crying out loud, I’d never hear the end of it. So as luck would have it the only other option was to borrow the chefs bike, just a normal bike with no markings. Phew.

We headed in the direction of the town, of which we had had a sneak preview of on our way to the park the other day. It was everything but traditional Thai and intrigued us greatly. The whole town is for lack of a better word, novelty. There is a Wild West hotel with a Cowboy restaurant complete with Cowboy Saloon and attached Cowboy shop, it’s a town within a town. As you drive this road it gets stranger, there is a Restaurant that has life size Marvel and DC characters scattered inside and out. A fake military base complete with medic tent, tank and aeroplane. Endless cowboy themed bars and restaurants and at the end of this strip is a shopping centre which has been designed to resemble Italy, nowhere specific just Italy. From the architecture of the shop fronts to the things they sell- ice cream, coffee, pizza. There are even scaled down version of Italian landmarks. But before we enjoy this surreal country-within-a-town-within-a-town we opt for the superhero restaurant. Hatty has two young nephews and we’re pretty sure they’d like to see their Aunty having dinner with the Hulk or Ironman. We sit down and get given the menu which consists of as you might expect American classics, the waiter comes over to take our order which we give him and then he tells us that the kitchen is closed. We obviously didn’t know the code word so instead took some snaps and moved onto the next one. This landed up in the Wild Wild West and it was here that I ordered the most interesting dish of the trip.

Ladies and gentlemen I present to you, deep fried snakes head. Yep. Actually the menu lied, its not just the head you get, their very generous here in Cowboy land, you get the whole damn snake. I really don’t know why I ordered this, I hate snakes. When it arrived I actually jumped out of my skin, for a split second I thought the slimy bugger was alive, I felt its breath on me, its flickering tongue hissing out to smell me before turning the tables and eating me. It was beautifully prepared on a bed of chilli and lime and the flesh was very meaty, it was very palatable but the adrenaline never quite wore off and I felt very unsettled. Hatty on the other hand, sitting smug with her salad had not stopped crying with laughter at my girly shriek. The whole situation was made evermore awkward by the waitresses decision to pull up a chair and just stare at me. We were the only people in the restaurant.

I’d had enough of playing Indiana Jones and so we headed out of old town Americana and straight into Italy. This is what the world will be like after a zombie attack, there were literally no other humans here, a Tannoy system played eerie Italian lift music and signs creaked in the wind, some shops were closed, some open but unmanned. It felt like a very odd dream and if Ironman was to wander past or Superman fly overhead it would not seem strange. We found some life forms in a coffee shop and I ordered a double espresso to which the lady said I would have to wait 10 minutes, she then walked away. The place also sold ice cream so we ordered two ice creams, which she made there and then. We sat down and ten minutes later two, double espressos turned up. Hatty doesn’t drink coffee. I drank the quadrupole dose of caffeine and the situation just proceeded to get weirder.

Our initial decision to go to Italy was to escape the rain that had started to fall but no sooner had we landed the rain had stopped. Deciding that this day had become more scary than enjoyable we got back on the bike and set off for our home-from-home in Thailand. At that split second it started to rain.

We left Khao Yoi the following morning and made our way back to Ayutthaya. We needed to go back on ourselves as we had tickets from Ayutthaya to our end destination, Chiang Mai booked for the following morning. This put us back in the Ancient City for a night, having done all the Wats we could handle we were more than stumped for what to do, our hostel was a very basic £4 a night job and so staying in all night wasn’t appealing. Thankfully today is Chinese New Year and from a brief wonder around the town earlier in the day we had seen decorations going up and market stalls being built. It was looking like there would be a real buzz here very soon. We waited. And then we waited some more. At 9pm they were still putting everything together, aside from those putting up decorations the town was asleep. We went back to the hostel and did the same.

The next morning we travelled by train to Chiang Mai, this is a ten hour train journey and for the £6 or so that it cost it was very pleasant. Air-con, free food and as we got further north the views got really special. But for my account of the journey and my time in Chiang Mai you’ll just have to wait.

Over and out.

Thailand Parts 1 & 2

Thailand Part 1- Bangkok “Too Hot To Handle”

I have been more than guilty of gloating about the temperature of where I am compared to back home (there was a lot of talk of snow). India saw highs of 30 degrees and the humidity was mild, Hong Kong was cooler, around 26 degrees but there’s no risk of having to de-ice your windscreen with those numbers, Thailand, more specifically Bangkok was a different story altogether. Landing there just after midnight it was 32 hideous degrees. This number sounds good, but this number is anything but good when the humidity is about 150%, I wanted to be back on the plane, or better still, ice cold home.  My clothes instantly became saturated with sweat, dripping from my forehead, into my eyes, my brain was frazzled. Those that know me will be more than aware of my body’s inability to regulate its temperature and here it was under its most vigorous test to date. The simple task of following a sign to the food hall to buy some water took us three attempts to go up the correct escalator; we literally walked in circles for about 20 minutes. Outside things weren’t any better.

In the light of the morning, having spent the evening in an air-conditioned room I felt a lot more confident about the day ahead, then I opened the bedroom door. The hallway in the hostel was not air-conditioned and I got my first real taste of the Bangkok heat, if last night was a wood burner this morning was a full blown forest fire. I slid to the shower, leaving a trail like some human slug creature, praying for ice cold water to cool me, or at least offer some justifiable reason for being this damp.

The temperature outside was a level up, teamed with the heat and ugly humidity was the pollution element, every moment outside was miserable, making me ever more self-conscious. We walked to a nearby pier where we were to catch a river taxi to get closer to the city centre. The breeze from being near water and the speed at which the boat travelled offered a much needed life line but as the boat filled and I was sandwiched between crowds of equally hot and uncomfortable people everything closed in around me. All the joy of being on a traditional river taxi, speeding through the heart of Bangkok, temples, markets and other wondrous sites all around me all I could think about was jumping in the murky water.

I hadn’t really given Bangkok much thought, it wasn’t until I set foot in the city that it dawned on me what kind of place this was supposed to be. My head filled with all the statements people had said to me about it, how crazy, mad and insane it was. I feel I can’t not mention the effect the movie The Hangover has had on the city’s image. So when I enter one of the supposedly most out-there-anything-goes streets in the world, Khao San Road I really cannot help but be disappointed. As I wander the market stalls selling all the essentials to transform you from Westerner to the Hippy clone everyone thinks you need to be once you attach a bag to your back my frustration grew, maybe it’s the humidity talking but this place is fake and boring.

Aside from the soulless markets designed to draw in zombie tourists looking to buy novelty trash that the Thai’s wouldn’t be seen dead wearing or eating the city also boasts an amazing collection of temples. I  know I’ve mentioned my thoughts on temples before, and trust me their appeal is further reduced given the heat. However, my brother, having recently been to Bangkok said if I do only one temple thing then it should be the reclining Buddha, so this was the only thing on our hit list.

I’ll start by saying this, the reclining Buddha is stunning. It is enormous and extreme and truly inspiring. The tranquillity that should surround this breath-taking monument however has been replaced by the shoves and groans of the hordes of hungry human cattle barging their way through to get in the best positon for their selfie with Buddha. The whole experience is worthless and instead of walking away stunned at the magnificent statue I am stunned at the stupidity of the human race, or at least the tourist race.

Khao San Road by night is even more pointless, the markets are still there only now you can buy buckets of brightly coloured alcohol, scorpions on sticks and have your photo taken with some drugged up primate. Bangkok in my head would be effortless chaos, none stop WTF but in reality it was scripted and sad.

 I would stress however, that this street does not reflect Bangkok as a whole and in no way represents the people of Thailand, this is very much a cesspit of brainless tourists looking to get a “decent Facebook profile picture” whilst getting as fucked up as they can. It’s a great money maker for the locals and is amazingly confined to just this road, well policed and very safe. Once I was a big party head so I do understand the appeal of a road like this but if this is the extent to peoples experience of Bangkok, or worse still the reason they go I feel very sad for them.

We spent the majority of the following day seeing the city via the river taxi, it cost us 15 baht each (around 30p) for the full days travel and from here we could see the sites whilst enjoying the sea breeze. Hoping on and off the boat we wondered countless markets and tried all manner of food. I had woken up slightly adjusted to the heat and willing to forgive the city for its poor performance last night and with new eyes on I was starting to enjoy it.

Bangkok is cleaner, more organised and more spacious than I had thought it would be, it’s easy to navigate, safe and very cheap. It’s only problem is the saturation of tourists who seem to have sucked the true identity from it.

Thailand Part 2- The Beach

The next leg of my Thailand adventure looks like this; Krabi Town> Koh Phi Phi Don> PhangNga> Ko Yao Noi> Ao Nammao> Railay> Ton-Sai > Krabi Town. I’ve travelled South from Bangkok and have arrived in the land of crystal clear water, white sandy beaches and spellbinding limestone cliffs. The temperature on average is in the high 30’s, the humidity is low and there is a glorious sea breeze each and every day. Getting off the plane from Bangkok to Krabi felt like winning the lottery.

We had two nights booked in Krabi town, with the plan being to explore some of the near by attractions in the province of the same name. Walking from the bus station to our hostel I was instantly loving Krabi town, I’ll admit the climate played a major role in this. But aside from that it gave off a really laid back, surfer vibe that made me feel very much at home. I like the simple life, I love the sea-side. Being surrounded by blue water and rolling mountains caused me to chill instantly. I think I said “I love it here” about 100 times to Hatty…every ten seconds, I become quite unbearable I’m sure. Every hostel, guesthouse and hotel we walked past I couldn’t help but blurt out how “cool” and “awesome” I thought they looked. I was getting very excited about finding ours, heading out and watching the sunset armed with an ice cold beer.

You can’t have it all however and tonight was no exception to this rule. Our guesthouse looked ok from the outside, the common area was basic but welcoming. The room however was vile, not in its décor, although there really isn’t a time or place for fake Burberry bed sheets but in its scent. Imagine for a second (that would be too long) a truck of cabbages and a truck of fish, tip their contents into a dark, slightly damp space, turn the heating up nice and high and then leave until they have pregnated everything in the space with their toxic odour. We let ourselves into this festering nightmare and both threw up in our mouths. I ran to open the window but to my horror discovered that is was already open- this is the rooms smell when it’s been aired! We crawled to the hallway gasping for any hint of fresh air and lay there disgusted and disturbed.

I went downstairs to find the manager who had conveniently vanished, when I did find him and told him about the rooms smell he just walked off, got a can of Ocean Breeze and emptied it into the warzone. This made a smell that no human should have to endure but as it was now too late to book ourselves into another hostel we had no option but to grin and bear it. We spent as long as we could in the hallway and then when it was time to sleep we racked our brains for suggestions on how to beat the smell. The next part is definitely one of those “don’t try this at home moments”.

Tiger Balm, large quantities of high grade Tiger Balm shovelled from the container and crammed into each of our nostrils. If you are not familiar with Tiger Balm, think ultra-concentrated Deep Heat without all the safety regulations. You may then begin to understand the desperation we were feeling when we put this product into our noses.

Unsurprisingly we didn’t stay for the second night and instead sprinted for the very first boat to Koh Phi Phi Don, only stopping to grab a snorkel and mask from a nearby sports shop on the way.

Koh Phi Phi Don’s scenery is true paradise, seriously do me a favour, open up a new browser tab and go to Google images then search “Koh Phi Phi Don”, you will not have to scroll very far to see what I mean. Emerald waters, silk textured white sand and mesmerising limestone cliffs. We threw our bags down in our room which was fresh, clean and spacious and headed straight for the nearest beach. Hatty is a sun worshipper so she laid claim to a spot of sand and I vanished out to sea. Either side of me where two caves and beyond them distant lands that were crying out to be explored. I waded through the shallow water dancing around the occasional rock and piece of coral. I was full of life and for the first time since Hong Kong really had my passion for exploring and travelling reinstated.

The water eventually became deep enough to swim and so I set off to find out what existed beyond the caves and towering cliff faces. An hour or so later and somewhat breathless I washed up onto another beach aptly names “Monkey Beach” for as you may guess it was inhabited by lots and lots of monkeys. The novelty of seeing monkeys outside of the zoo hadn’t warn off from India and seeing them on the beach was an even newer experience. I wondered the full length of the beach enjoying every monkey I saw, looking out to the distance and enjoying the views even more. I cannot emphasise how exceptionally happy I was. On my way back down the beach I began looking for the cut through to the beach I had swan round from but as I got closer to the giant rock separating the two it dawned on me that I had two options, climb the cliff which was densely covered in both vegetation and monkeys or swim back. As there wasn’t a soul attempting the former I opted for the latter. Stepping back into the sea it had become apparent that the tide was on its way out, the advantage of this is that I could wade more of it thus saving energy on swimming, the disadvantage is that there are a lot of rocks and coral and other sea critters that I would now have to dodge. I cautiously tiptoed over the sea bed checking my every footing. I once had a bad experience with a poisonous sea creature in Egypt and was not looking to repeat this ever again.

Stepping onto a sharp rock I cut my foot, not badly but enough to make me jolt, misjudge my next step, trip over, cut my knee on another rock and finally land on my side on top of a sea urchin who in turn shot some 30 of his lovely numbing spikes into my thigh. I have not been this disappointed in myself for a long time. I said to Hatty I was only going to see what was around the corner, I’d been gone some two hours by this point she was going to be every bit as unimpressed as I am, if I make it back. I swam an inspiring one legged swim over to a local fishing boat and pulled myself on to it. His face when he saw my purple thigh full of black needles was a picture that humoured and scared me in equal measures. Once his eyes had returned into his sockets he calmly said some of my favourite words, “no panic, no poison, no panic”. We pulled as many of the little bastards out as we could and I flopped back into the sea and splashed my way back to Hatty.

As I came round the corner facing our beach I was met by the result of the tide going fully out. I was no dragging my inflamed ligament behind me, cursing every step and myself, my stupidity, my arrogance. When I finally got back on dry land almost four hours later I was a shell of my former self. Sure I was cut to smithereens, had an alien poison rushing through my bloodstream and was gloriously sunburnt in the face but I was in paradise, I’d seen monkeys and I last time I checked I was very much alive, what to explore next!?! Hatty on the other hand was somewhat concerned about the “electric shock” pain that was crippling my every step so insisted we go back to the room.

Having been the guinea pig yesterday we both decided that it wasn’t a sensible idea to try and explore the ocean “by foot” and so instead we hired a canoe. This not only prevented any further injuries but also allowed to explore much further, the best 300 baht (£6) I’d spent all trip. We went back to Monkey island, did some snorkelling, went inside some caves and secluded lagoons, found a number of private and semi-private beaches and generally just chilled out and messed about all day. After dinner we returned back to the beach and watched the sunset, I can’t emphasise how perfect this place is.

This perfection did come as a surprise as nearly everyone I had spoken to and a lot of the online reviews stated that this once beautiful place has become overrun by tourists and has a similar vibe to the one I so positively described in Bangkok. Apparently KPPD is littered with bars, clubs, tattoo shops and tatty markets, it is supposed to be filthy. But lying on this pristine beach, sun setting around me with a soundscape of nothing but the wildlife and waves I was glad I had ignored everyone.

As night fell we went for a stroll around the small island, we were sure we had seen it all over the last few days but somehow we had managed to miss something substantial. As we got closer to the restaurant area the calming natural sounds of the island were drowned out by thumbing bass. A whole “town” revealed itself before our very eyes. This is the Koh Phi Phi everyone had warned me of. It’s another Malaga or Kos, rows of beach bars selling buckets of spirits for absurdly low prices, tattoo parlours (that provide cocktails in the price of the tattoo), fast food restaurants and flocks of dead-eyed tourists stumbling over one another. On paper this is probably a hedonists wet-dream, proper lads holiday territory but for me it was a disaster. This spectacle will no doubt one day expand across the remainder of the island as more walking STDs infect every corner of it. For now though I am grateful that at least some part of Koh Phi Phi Don remains unspoilt and that I have been fortunate enough to experience it. But now it is time to move on once more.

We travelled by boat to Phuket and then caught a bus to Phang Nga, as the bus drove us away from the sea and higher into the hills it dawned on me that maybe I had got my locations mixed up. A few days ago sitting in Bangkok I demanded we head South for beaches and a cooler climate, I promised Hatty nonstop sand and sea, so you can image how confused and unimpressed we were when that started to vanish from sight. As it turns out the place I had in my head was Phra Nang. I am now very familiar with the geography of Southern Thailand, more so than even my home country but at the time of booking I had assumed these were the same place. This might sound stupid but it’s not uncommon for one place to have a multitude of names here, for example Rai Leh, Railay and Railey are all the same place. So you could excuse my ignorance when I see place names like Phang Nga, Phang Nga Bay and Phra Nang and assume they are all one place.

Despite being anything but a beach holiday Phang Nga (or Phangnga) was a beautiful mistake that offered some of the most relaxing and rewarding experiences of the whole trip. Our guesthouse sat nestled between a mountain range which offered exhilarating views from every direction. The pace here is very slow and very safe. Phang Nga is off the main tourist circuit, probably because most people can read a map but that separation works for me. Our evening meal, of freshly prepared Pad Thai, rounds of drinks and a variety of sides cost a total of 90 baht (£1.80) for the two of us. The town is laid back but not boring, the locals are friendly but not overbearing.

Of the things to do here, aside from get some proper down time the most popular is to get a boat to Khao Phing Kan island in Phang Nga Bay, this island is more famously known as James Bond Island after featuring heavily in the film The Man with the Golden Gun. The four or so hour tour takes you by boat though caves, caverns and around the ever impressive limestone rock faces before stopping off at Khao Phing Kan, here you can join the day trippers from Phuket standing in front of the infamous rock posing with their finger gun. This didn’t put me off as it was a truly awesome place to spend some time, it’s a wonderful example of natural beauty, and save for a small row of market stalls it remains largely untouched. The boat also takes you to a local Muslim fishing village, which is on stilts out in the sea. The tour company we went with is called Sayan tours, and Sayan was one of the local fishermen who lived in this village, part of the tour used to include lunch in his house and if you got the overnight tour you stayed here too. But his recent death has for obvious reasons removed this from the tour and so instead you are dropped off and then allowed to freely wonder around the village. The German and French couples could not wait to go for a jolly good snoop, poking their cameras into people’s front rooms, we however opted to take a seat in the café and enjoy what was around us. Maybe I am over thinking this but this is not a temple or museum this is someone’s home. Had this part included some interaction with a local, some explanation about the way of life or anything that convinced me they wanted a boat load of picture hungry Westerners letting themselves into their front rooms I think I would have been more keen but doing anything more than sitting in the café felt invasive, disrespectful and unnecessary. That said the tour was money well spent, the crazy natural beauty on offer here was beyond anything I had ever witnessed.

The following day we caught a boat to Ko Yao Noi and were once again reunited with the sea. Our home for the next few days was a wooden hut on stilts buried into the hillside looking out over the sea. The soundtrack of birds, lizards and insects filled the air and created the illusion that you were somewhere very remote. Our hut had a balcony and was the ideal place to unwind, not that I was doing anything stressful but there is little else to do. So much of Southern Thailand is so relaxed that if it were to get any slower it would stop all together and this tiny island is about as close to complete standstill as it gets. Lying on the bench seat reading a book I was chilled to the absolute maximum. Mr Claws soon put a stop to that.

Mr Claws is one of the owners cats and as his name suggests Mr Claws had some fucking long claws and sharp, pointy fangs. I am a cat man, I adore cats, am a little perhaps obsessed with cats. It has become a bit of a running joke that I am a cat magnet as wherever I go I always end up with one following me. Our garden back home was infested with them. Mr Claws was however very uninvited, he had me on edge from word go. Maybe it was my unnaturally low heart rate prior to his arrival or maybe it was his naturally long, sharp claws and killer look in his eye. He had this unforgiving whine that made him sound ridiculous but you would be stupid to laugh at him, not unless you wanted to be gutted there and then.

He worked his way over to me and I knew he could smell my fear, as he jumped onto my lap I tried to fight the instinct to throw him off the balcony. He put his face into my stomach and opened his mouth real wide exposing his razor sharp fangs, this is it, this is the end I thought. He let out a little yawn and flopped into my lap, I stroked his fur and he purred appreciatively. Cat whisperer has still got it. I lifted my arms in a sigh of relief only for Mr Claws to uncurl and return immediately to his possessed state. I ran my hand over his coat and he sunk back down, calm once again. This was the only way to preserve my life. Every time I removed my hand from him the devil would reappear. I cannot help this is Karma for how, in my early years on this earth I would only sleep if my mum “drew” on my back. Her arm would go dead from the repetitive circling whilst hung over the edge of my cot. I would be sound asleep and she would ever so gently remove her hand from my back like a robber lifting priceless jewels from an alarmed platform. The heat of her hand could still be felt on my back but I would be instantly aware that she had stopped and therefore instantly wide awake. It seemed only fair that this was my fate.

The rest of our time on Ko Yao Noi was considerably less edgy. The island consists of one main road, part concrete part dirt track that runs around the outside for a total of no more than 20km. We hired a Moped for the duration of our stay and this allowed us to see every nook and cranny of the island. Venturing off the main road led for some challenging riding but with a little determination and a lot of luck we always arrived at our destination in one piece. KYN is as chilled on the road as it is up in the hills and on the beaches, it’s a long way from the chaos of India and that is certainly no bad thing. The joy of it being an island is that you can’t get lost, teamed with the empty roads it is a joy to explore for someone with as bad a sense of direction as me. Every stop offers the chance to refuel on delicious fresh seafood and kick back in one of the many hammocks suspended between palm trees along the beach. At some point this journey is going to end and I will be back in the UK, an alarm set and a job to go to but for now I’m lazing on a beach, sun beating down, breeze flowing over me and I’m swaying in a hammock with an ice cold watermelon smoothie in hand and the future is a distant memory.

Koh Yao Noi doesn’t offer the spectacular crystal clear waters of Koh Phi Phi Don but it doesn’t have the pollution of the tourist and for that I could spend many more days, weeks or month here but for fear of becoming so laid back I fall over it is time to move on.

The next stop is Ao Nammao which is back in Krabi province. The closest town is Ao Nang which is a bustling tourist trap due to the convenience of its port linking you to the surrounding islands. But hitching a lift from a passing Songthaew ten minutes away from the pier once again got us out of the crowds and to somewhere that felt just that little bit more authentic. The other advantage of being in Ao Nammao is that it put us ever closer to our desired destination, Railay (Rai Leh/ Railey) beach. We’d left it too late to get accommodation on the beach but our second best option turned out to be a winner, at less than £10 a night we had a private double room with en-suite, fridge and normal toilet (these two things are kind of a big deal) and a shower with semi warm water and the main attraction AIRCON. The boat ride to Rai Leh takes less than 10 minutes and costs 180 baht (£3.60) for a return, we couldn’t find accommodation on Railay, given our short notice for anything less than £120 a night so Ao Nammao was a blessing for the wallet if nothing else.

Once on Rai Leh our stomachs controlled our decisions, we strolled the beach front and led by our noses ended up in Sunrise Tropical, a five star resort who thankfully open up their buffet breakfast to peasants like us. It costs 300 baht (£6) which is a lot for a Thai breakfast but after my fifth plate of gourmet delicacies its value was looking like it would stretch to lunch and maybe further. The grin on my face from satisfying my glutinous desires would take longer still to vanish.

I waddled to the beach and plopped myself down into the cushioning soft sand. Visually Railay is more similar to Koh Phi Phi Don, truly stunning but it is substantially more rocky and this makes swimming next to impossible unless its high tide so I had to opt for the difficult alternative of sunbathing. I’m not kidding this is difficult, I don’t know how people lay there all day, within minutes I am uncontrollably bored, hot and restless. Hatty is a sun worshipper and has perfected the art of lying so wasn’t interested in my suggestions to hire a kayak or go climbing. Eventually, most likely out of pity she agreed to try walking. Rai Leh is divided in the East and West and although the island is tiny, easily manageable by foot it offers very different experiences on either side. On our way across the island we saw a large group of wild monkeys off out on a day trip, fathers, mothers and their young all in a line worked their way through the branches and across a fence, the majority taking little notice of us but stopping  all humans passing by in their tracks. It was a wondrous site. Once on the other side of the island we were greeted by caves, caverns, sheer rock faces and swimmable waters. Hatty planted herself under a tree while I ventured off to go climbing.

There is a route up one of the cliff faces that you are able to free climb, it requires some strength and endurance but with confidence (or stupidity- it’s a fine line) it is a manageable ascent. The reward at the peak is a splendid view out across the island, which was nice but the climb was more of a highlight. If you venture further around then you arrive at a lagoon which is you have a really big pair you can climb/fall down to. My excuse for not making this decent is that the lagoon was basically empty and so the reward of getting down there was removed. I was however not ready to make my way back to the beach and so wanted to see what else was up here. I worked my way up steep, slippery rock over uprooted trees and tried to push images of lurking cobras to the back of my mind. I fearlessly (stupidly) went higher up the cliff face and into ever denser vegetation, I shimmied across fallen branches and jumped over gaps in the rock hoping for a clean landing on the other side. In my head I was the ultimate explorer but in reality I was setting myself up to be the next fatality, the typical idiot tourist who ran before he could walk.

Having worked my way to the top and part of the way down another side I reached a dead end and peering over the edge realised that the last half hour or so has led me nowhere and I was going to have to rewind my every skip, hop and jump to get back up. Tiredness set in and the noises in the jungle below heightened my senses, the wind whistling through the branches of the trees below became rattles of giant snakes that were rapidly winding their way up to me. I don’t remember eating a bag of hallucinogenics before climbing but apparently I was losing touch with reality. Whatever it was, my over imagination created fear which in turn sparked the fight or flight reaction. I wasn’t ever going to wait to do battle with an army of oversized and angry serpents so instead fled back up the cliff at breakneck speed and down the side I knew I should have just gone to originally.

Back on the beach my adventure seemed insignificant as I was in full health, Hatty on the other hand had done a little too much worshipping and her skin has passed her hair colour for colour (remember she has bright pink hair).

The following day Hatty went into hiding and I decided to steer clear of the monster snakes. I hired a kayak and did one of my favourite things- exploring, more specifically exploring the caves and caverns and generally being on the water.

Railay far exceeded Koh Phi Phi Don for awesomeness, I paddled from caves to cavern and was transfixed on their beauty, every time I arrived at a new one I was just that little bit more blown away. Whenever I got bored of being on the kayak I flopped off the side and went snorkelling, ever since my sea urchin experience I’ve been somewhat cautious of the sea but here the water is much safer and as I swam about following schools of fish without too much bother. One of my final landing spots was a beach called Tonsai (Ton Sai) which although on the same island as Rai Leh is divided by a large rock and only accessible by boat at high tide. At low tide however you can wade around the rock or if you are feeling adventurous you can clamber over the rock to reach the other side. I have wanted to see Ton Sai but knew that Hatty wouldn’t been so keen on making the journey if it turned out to be naff given her crispy state. I declared that is was very much worth it and jumped back in the kayak and set off back to Railay to find her.

We worked our way over the rock and set up camp in Freedom bar, a wooden shack on the beach front with excellent views both out to sea and of the dare devil free climbers scaling the walls around us. It was infinitely better than Railay and although infinitely less well developed in terms of its amenities it had everything we needed- beaches, beds, food and ice cold beer.

The past two weeks have been some of the most relaxing and inspiring of my life, although there are moments of negativity in my writing my overall feeling towards Thailand is wholly positive. It is a beautiful country full of beautiful people and as much as I want to stay on a beach for the remainder of my days both my visa and my desire to see the remainder of this spectacular country mean I have to move on, and so I begin my journey north.

As always thank you for reading.